K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
