I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
