Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
