If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
