Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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