I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
