My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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