that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
