New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
