the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize