I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
