i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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