Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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