Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
