i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
