Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I believe in your delicious
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
