I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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