I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
