If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
