Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
