you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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