If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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