So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
