Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
