I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize