Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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