Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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