we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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