I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
