Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
