I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
