I need help removing her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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