:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
