Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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