# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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