Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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