I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
