If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
