Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
