you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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