So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
