I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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