Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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