i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
