I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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