We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
