my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
