I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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