I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
