Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
