I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
