Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
