I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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