she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my phone needs a breathalizer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
