I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize