so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need to calm my uterus...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
