i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
