I wannas sexs uuuuu
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My penis needs a shock collar
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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