dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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