im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
