let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
