I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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