Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
