Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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