Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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