Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
