When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
