a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you win again, gameday.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
