wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
