i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's even glitter on my cock...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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