And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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