Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
