I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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