Someone shit on the floor
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
