i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
