He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
