I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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