help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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