Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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