OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
