Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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