My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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