This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
