A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
