I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
