My liver just broke up with me...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
