This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
