can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
