It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
