three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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