Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Less talking, more tequila
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
