I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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