I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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