If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
