Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
