My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A bitchslap is in order.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
