apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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