He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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