Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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