peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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