I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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