I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize