I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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