Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
