what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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